I’m afraid to apply to do anything b/c I fear people seeing that and am embarrassed. The endure so much for so long, they snap. I think some, not all I’m sure, in the legal system becoming more familiar with this form of abuse.. ‘legal abuse”. Everything clarifies then. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! So, it will forever haunt me. Related: Recognizing The Signs of Emotional Abuse. They call it operant conditioning. Don’t be reactive it only gives the abuser more amo to launch on you. Not kidding. I do NOT like to be manipulated by anyone!!! They ALWAYS lack empathy for their partners (beyond the early “romance” stages when they’re trying to pull you in). (And everyone reacts badly to things when under the extreme pressure of abuse!). They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Victims will almost always be able to admit their own faults. They claim it is “proof” that the victim is unstable. (3) He refuses and continues to behave the way he has. I know this scenario well. He was expensive, though. Good luck to you. In return, I would scream at the top of my lungs yelling “You can do no wrong! I should have ended things at Thanksgiving. I’ve been asked about it when trying to rent an apt. Sick people, if tolerated, avoided or fear, are mostly reinforced and find satisfaction. Even if the stresses of the relationship lead into what might be considered reactive abuse, anyone who honestly tries to adjust to the other person’s actual needs, actively listens to the other person, and makes every attempt to stop such behavior, probably is not an abuser. As of this writing, he is conducting yet another smear campaign against me. This is how I feel going up against by late husbands siblings. Boundaries (Fireside/Parkside Recovery Book) – Anne Katherine, Charmers and Con Artists and Their Flip Side-by Sandra Scott, Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You, Ditch That Jerk : Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women, In Sheep’s Clothing – Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. If they break away from the abuser, they stand no chance at all against the Smear Campaign the abuser then launches. One time, during on gaslighting incident over my posting on FB to a female friend, she got terribly jealous over this. For the record, I have treated him very well and taken the best care of him. I slammed in to and almost went thru it. Most victims of abuse respond in a rational way: They explain themselves and believe that the abuser is interested in what they have to say. * You are channeling some of this anger at me * You have shown me zero respect in this past month. He is physically challenged and I’ve always been there to support him and try to make his life a little more bearable. abuse is a mental disease that requires equal or wxceeding force to be healed. This imagined rejection is then used to justify emotional, psychological and physical abuse. These are typically not safe or sustainable ways to cope with the condition. Here’s some information that may also help explain this “reactive abuse” concept a little more: How do you know that you are not the one who is crazy or PMS’ing and that he is really emotionally abusive? Inside Mental Health is an award-winning weekly podcast that approaches psychology … A good way to tell a victim who reacted to abuse, and a psychologically abusive person creating a smear campaign against a victim is their attitudes toward their own actions. You never admit to anything. That group offers much information, and more importantly, a lot of empathy, understanding and encouragement. I recently dated a woman for 6 months that claimed she was 8 years removed from a Narcissistic spouse, however she herself portrayed many symptoms of a cluster B personality disorder I have since read about. Know that it isn’t … Then, jail, another new and wonderful experience. After learning how to navigate the legal system, she knew she wanted to help others do the same. People who are abusers rarely consider that they might be abusive. This lack of empathy is the mark of the beast of abuse – more than anything else. Reactive Abuse: They Call You Abusive for Reacting To Their Abuse. Told me we were laughing at her using ‘LOL’ etc.. Anyways, she went inside (it was dark outside) – I approached the kitchen and she had closed the glass sliding door. Abuse is abuse, even if it’s reactive. Her reply was “wasn’t it to much energy to extend when I told them all off”. They will hold every tiny thing against the victim, even things they could not possibly control, or they have never tried to talk to them about. That bothered me the most, especially after how much I endured, and also knowing he would get endless narcissistic supply from telling everyone this story of how he “had to go to this extreme”.. blah blah. * You might want to address your anger. ), the order was overturned and I wasn’t charged with anything (violating a restraining order is a criminal charge – I mean not like a speeding ticket – it would have ruined me). I could go on and on. THIS is what abuse is about: POWER and CONTROL. People may want to check out, and even join, the Narcissistic Support Group (on Facebook).
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